Alexa Levinson was trying to explain pandemic dating to her grandmother, but the idea of a video “date” in sweats, from one’s living room couch, was not making sense.
“She was very confused,” the 27-year-old Mountain View resident said with a laugh.
Speed Networking. Whatever you want to call it, this fun and engaging open house format is designed to introduce people to your classes quickly, effectively, and with loads of inspirational personality. Adopted by Many Organizations. Speed dating is believed to have been “invented” in the late 1990s as a way for singles to.
While Levinson’s grandmother was appalled at the idea of video dating from home, for Levinson and countless others it’s just the way things are these days. From online speed dating to masked dates, “podding up” and virtual mixers, trying to find love while staying 6 feet apart has made the always hard task of finding a partner even harder. But love, and the search for it, never stops, even during a worldwide pandemic.
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“It’s definitely weird,” Levinson said. “I can’t tell if it’s good or it’s bad, but it’s definitely been a weird 10 months.”
When Covid appeared last March, the spread of the virus put the brakes on a thriving Jewish social scene for Levinson and others. Shabbat dinners with friends — off. Schmoozing at Late Shabbat at Emanu-El in San Francisco — not happening. Happy hour with the Engaj network on the Peninsula — canceled. So what’s a nice Jew looking for love supposed to do but go online?
“Now the pandemic hits, you’re not doing in-person events anymore,” Levinson said. “It’s all virtual.”
“Dating culture as we knew it just ceased to exist,” said Berkeley dating coach Jan Robinson. “It just got turned on its head.”
For Levinson, who is looking for “a Jewish man to have a Jewish home with,” that means apps like JSwipe and Hinge. That’s led to around five Zoom dates and a few walks at the beach so far. But that’s par for the course now that Covid has put a stop to the “meet cute” potential (see every Hollywood rom-com).
But it’s not all bad. Levinson actually kind of likes video dating. She enjoys the informality of wearing loungewear and throwing her hair into a bun rather than getting, as she put it, “all dolled up.” She feels it’s more honest, in a way.
“If you don’t like me 98 percent of the time how I am… thank you, next!” she said laughing.
Levinson also feels a video call tells her more about the person than texting via app.
“I got to know the person,” she said. “I didn’t feel like I wasted the energy.”
That kind of emotional connection before the first date is something that Robinson sees as a silver lining in the upended world of Covid dating. Robinson is a “relationship attraction mentor” who runs online dating events for the over-40 crowd, including “slow speed dating” and a meetup for Jewish singles.
“Courtship is back,” she said, “because you cannot rush into physical intimacy and sex. You are forced to get to know one another.”
Debbie Sommer, single and 60, agrees that the pandemic, with its Pandora’s box of fear and stresses, has brought out something in people that is new and different. She’s attended a few of Robinson’s virtual dating events and had deep conversations.
“People are somehow sharing more honestly and from the heart,” she said.
Online dating is new for her. Sommer, a San Francisco resident and self-described extrovert, used to make friends on the street, in line at concerts or even at the bus stop, she said. She was never into dating apps. Instead, she loved the energy and spark of meeting people at singles events or just as she went about her active life. She misses the rush of energy from clicking with a new person — hard to replicate through a screen. But, as she puts it, “What else am I doing? It’s not like I’m going to Hawaii, it’s not like I’m going to a rock concert, it’s not like I’m going to a party.”
Dating culture as we knew it just ceased to exist.
Jewish groups are trying to step in to help make up for the disappearance of live events. OneTable, a group that with its Shabbat-dinner-among-strangers mission is already primed to foster connection, is also targeting the single and lonely; it teamed up with a pandemic-specific dating site called Corona Cuties to offer West Coast Jews a chance to find love, or at least to take a shot at it. The Chabads of Palo Alto, Santa Clara and S.F. partnered with an app company for a Hanukkah speed dating event. And Matzoball, which bills itself as the largest speed dating event in the world, has been running regional rounds of online speed dating.
Robinson, the dating coach, is hosting Jewish “singles soirées” as well as non-Jewish singles events.
Sommer has been to a few of Robinson’s events and liked them. “Even if it’s not a match, everyone’s just nice and respectful and communicative,” she said. “It’s really been a lovely experience.”
Robinson said that meetups like hers and others play an important role for people whose social lives have been curtailed.
“Whether or not you meet people you feel a spark with, people leave these events feeling alive and joyful,” she said.
The next step after meeting at an event, she said, is to do some introductory phone or video dates. But there’s one elephant in the Zoom room.
“There’s a balancing act here,” Robinson said. “You don’t want to video date for six months and then meet in person and find out you have no sexual chemistry.”
A couple only works if the spark is there. That’s what Judith Gottesman has been saying to her clients as a dating coach and Jewish matchmaker over the past 12 years, and why video calls are contrary to what she’s always preached about meeting in person.
“This is all kind of upside-down,” she said. “Now the advice is kind of opposite.”
Now she counsels her clients to be flexible and meet online first. David Kraus, a 64-year-old doctor in Grass Valley, is one of Gottesman’s clients (he first read about her in J.).
“It’s very formal and slow and you’re going to get to know the person,” he said about dating during Covid times. “That’s all you can do, unless you throw caution to the wind — which I’m sure some people do.”
Gottesman said it’s also important to think it through before taking a relationship forward. Is it progressing because of the pandemic and all the loneliness and boredom it’s engendered? “Some people are jumping into relationships they might otherwise not,” she said.
And after the video dates and phone calls progress to the masked hikes, then what? Bringing an online relationship offline and in person, a whole new set of questions comes up.
“Holding hands, kissing, or any physical intimacy beyond that… How and when do you decide to do that?” Sommer said.
It turns out there is a whole range of opinions on that question. For Sommer’s peers, slow and safe seems to be the mode. She’s up for a walk or a park meetup, masked. But not everyone is even ready to go out in public, much less take it into the bedroom.
“Some people become tentative about when to meet, and so it becomes difficult for them,” she said.
But younger people, less likely to experience severe Covid symptoms, are a little less worried. Liuba Adar, a 36-year-old veterinarian from Alameda, can confirm that.
“A lot of guys still try to meet up in person right away,” she said.
Adar has been using dating apps since May, including JSwipe, Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel, to try and connect with a Jewish guy. It’s time-consuming, she said.
“This is a part-time job, and you have to accept that.”
Like Levinson and Sommer, Adar misses in-person events — she used to go to Jewish young adult programs and regularly went out dancing — and she misses the energy. Apps make everything take longer.
“I’m just kind of exhausted by the whole process, and how much time you have to put in,” she said.
Looking for a Jewish partner makes it even more challenging; it means a smaller dating pool, but Adar is OK with that because she’s looking at the long term.
“I want someone culturally Jewish so we can do all the traditions together,” she said.
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She’s open to dating people outside the Bay Area, as long as they are willing to travel, which in a pandemic is not a given, she acknowledged. And once she’s met a guy and it comes to actual dating, she’s pretty sanguine about the Covid risks inherent in starting a relationship.
“It’s either don’t date at all, or accept the risks,” she said. “I feel like dating is already complicated as it is.”
She’s looking for an ongoing relationship and not just a Covid hookup, although she’s been offered one. One younger man told her, “’I’m looking for one person to basically hook up with during this time, and I think you’d be perfect,’ and I was like, no…” Adar laughed.
But the “Covid boyfriend” or “temporary monogamy” is a thing. Jeremie Gluckman, 28, of Santa Clara has seen it in their social circle.
“That pull of, ‘I don’t want to be alone, I can’t go without intimacy for another six months,’ so you take that leap,” Gluckman said. But it’s not for them, they added.
“I don’t want to be someone’s compromise quarantine relationship,” they said.
But they’ve been dating, and even getting out of the house to do it. One date took them to a drive-in movie where Gluckman and the date each sat in their own cars and talked on the phone while watching a film together. Another date took Gluckman to a drive-through restaurant. Again, in cars, on the phone, but this time with food.
“It was weird,” they said. “It was ‘new normal.’ But it worked!”
Gluckman is young but takes Covid, and the risk of its spread, seriously. “Coming to this as a member of the queer community, any couple needs to have a conversation at some point about all kinds of viruses,” Gluckman pointed out.
Now that the vaccine is rolling out, albeit slowly, the conversation also includes immunity. According to recent articles, “vaccinated” is the new “hot” — or, as SFGate put it, “Vaccine selfies have hit the dating apps in SF.”
That may not mean much in real terms, especially as it is unclear whether people who have been vaccinated can still spread the virus. But Robinson is sympathetic to the need for physical connection. “I imagine we’re all in withdrawal around touch,” she said. “Definitely Covid has made singles a lot more vulnerable to being lonely and isolated.”
Isolation has made people long more than ever for connection, while meeting someone has never been harder. Instead of a friendly flirt in a supermarket aisle or a last-minute app match on a Friday night, dating these days requires some gumption — and a stable internet connection.
And, of course, hope. Sommer has it, even during the pandemic, and a belief that love and a soulmate will come when it’s the right time.
“I have never given up hope on love,” she said. “And I’m someone who believes we meet our bashert in the most unexpected way and the most unexpected times.”
Fall in Love with…Woodworking?
The room is crowded with people. There’s laughter in the air, and everyone is mingling. You’re at a table with a group of new friends, with one empty chair reserved for a special guest. A clear chime strikes in the air and an older gentleman joins your group, his hands rough and careworn. He offers a firm handshake to everyone and sits down. He places a stack of worn photos down, each one showing a beautiful piece of furniture.
“Well,” he says in a voice touched with gravel, “You ever wanted to build your own kitchen table?” The minutes tear by as he speaks like a poet about woodworking and asks and answers questions. You realize that yes, yes you indeed do want to build your own table, but you never knew where to begin.
The chime rings out again, and he moves on to a neighboring table. A young woman with rainbows in her hair takes his place. “Hi!” she chirps brightly, “did you know that I can totally teach you how to make the perfect French macaron?”
Welcome to Class Speed Dating
A flash of inspiration strikes as you have a sudden vision of a big, wooden table and a spread of fancy baked goods. “Oh yeah,” you think, “You bet I want to learn how to make perfect French macarons! And make the table to put them on!”
You’re smitten, and you haven’t even met the rest of the classes! How will you ever choose?
Speed Dating. Speed Networking. Speed Geeking. Whatever you want to call it, this fun and engaging open house format is designed to introduce people to your classes quickly, effectively, and with loads of inspirational personality.
Adopted by Many Organizations
Speed dating is believed to have been “invented” in the late 1990s as a way for singles to meet quickly. (It has a pretty cool origin story!)
While the format details vary, the idea is the same —to introduce people to each other with the help of a series of set, short timeframes (usually 3-5 minutes). At the end of each brief “date,” a bell signals that it’s time to move and meet the next person.
It was recognized that this format could be used to introduce people seeking a mentor, nonprofits seeking volunteers, and as a micro-presentation format for startups with bold ideas to present to investors. We figured that the same concept could be extended to introduce your students to new classes and created a framework for it!
Applying the Method
So, how do we use the successful methods of speed dating to promoting a class catalog at an open house? It’s not complicated when you remember that you might be introducing some to the next love of their life —a new skill, hobby, or even a future job! Recognizing that one-on-one meetups are probably not the most efficient for most education programs, we adapted the approach to use multiple timed, small-group presentations to inform, educate, and inspire.
Here are some considerations and suggestions to help you throw the best “date nite with education” ever!
Planning Is Everything
What classes will you be promoting?
Since the goal is a 3-5 minute presentation for each class, you will want to choose your featured classes carefully. If you have 10 to 12 classes, it could take roughly an hour or so for groups to experience them all. The kinds of classes you’re featuring may help determine the feel of the event as well.
What kind of event will this be?
Determine what kind of event you’ll have and the overall tone you want to set. An enrichment night could be very different from a workforce or professional development night. Will you have a festive party atmosphere, or will it be more business-casual? Will you have refreshments? Will it be a stand-alone event or just one part of a larger event?
Who are you inviting?
You need to invite guests to attend the event and meet your classes. Who will they be? Will you have them RSVP or drop in? How else will you advertise and promote the event?
What expectations will you set?
Since you want to be sure that attendees meet instructors and are introduced to classes, you will want to set clear expectations. How long will the event be? What is an attendee’s responsibility during the event? Will there be time for socializing or networking included? An event is an excellent chance to show your students what it will be like working with your organization!
How will you set up the event space?
If the event location is connected to your program, you will want to have it look incredible. Will you have displays of student work or class promotions? Where will the groups gather to listen to the presentations and meet your instructors? Will you have groups of chairs around a table? Small chairs in a circle? How close or far apart should the groups be to each other?
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What will the takeaway be?
House Speed Dating Methuen Personals
Of course, the goal is to fill these classes (and others!) Will you have a way for people to register during the event? What kind of flyers or handouts will you have for attendees? Will they be able to take notes about the classes they’ve “met” during the event? Can they register from their mobile devices during the event itself?
Who will present to the groups?
So long as you have the same number of presenters as there are groups, things will work out. You may want to consider a mix of presenters that includes past student evangelists, class instructors, and program staff as presenters. In addition to your presenters, you will need to have a host for the evening who lets people know when time is up and also who can tell the crowd how to register for the classes you’re offering.*
How will you help presenters prepare?
Great instructors are often natural presenters, but you’ll want to brief your presenters in advance so they know what is expected of them. Three minutes is a quick pitch, and five minutes will fly by if the presenter isn’t well prepared. How will you set them up to have a great experience engaging their prospective students?
Will you have a dedicated listener?
Because an event like this brings up lots of questions, it’s an excellent time to have someone actively listening to questions and comments around the room. These questions can help to improve your program offerings and even streamline your registration process. Who will your listener be? Will you embed someone in each group to take notes? Will you have someone walking through the event, taking it all in?
Are you ready for success?
While this sounds like a silly question because of course, you’re ready for success! But, you do want to be sure to have enough staff to help interested students sign up for classes right then. You may need to recruit and train some volunteers to lend a hand during the event. The last thing you want is for someone who’s fallen in love with a class to leave without registering!*
How will you follow up?
It’s easy to put away all the tables and then go back to all the usual tasks the next day, but following up with folks is an important part of the experience for everyone! Make sure you get their contact information so you can add them to your mailing list and then have a plan to reach out. What will you say? Will you ask for feedback? At a minimum, you should send a thank-you email to guests for participating and include a registration link. Express that you’re available to answer any questions —the whole idea is to connect people and fill classes!
Share the Love
Talk with students who participated and who took classes as a result. Get their feedback about the approach and your program in general. Recruit them to assist in future events if they’ve had a great experience. Give them what they need to be evangelists for your program and help them share their stories —and the love— with others!
House Speed Dating Methuen Massachusetts
This speed dating method is just one way to help your student community get to know the many kinds of classes that you offer and consider some they may never have thought of taking!
Can you see attendees falling for your classes this way too?
*Total plug: CourseStorm makes the registration process so incredibly quick and easy that people wouldn’t even need to leave their tables. We invite you to try it for free!
Read more:
- Getting Started with SMS: Marketing Your Educational Program via Text Messages
- Anatomy of a Great Online Catalog